we have pet lesbian snakes
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize