fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
