Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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