I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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