I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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