she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
