Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
