I think I just saw someone hide a body.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
