So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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