Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
