He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
