I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
