it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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