Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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