Having a random hookup so left but love u
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
