Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
