So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
