I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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