I wannas sexs uuuuu
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
