Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
