if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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