Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
