You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
lol hangovers are for mortals.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
