worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
