somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
