the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
