he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
