So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
