Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Randomize
