I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
