I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize