so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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