he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Are my feet made of real feet?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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