got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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