eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The air was thick with penises
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize