she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
