i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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