You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
