ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
