Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Found the puke drawer
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
And then my night got REAL pukey
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
