Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
