trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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