Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
