ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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