he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You have to summon your inner elephant
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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