There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
