I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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