Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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