I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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