Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
