Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
They took my balls.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
