u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
