Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
