Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
