he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
