Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
