Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
