The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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