Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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