Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
