i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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