I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
