mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
