Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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