Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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