the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
