Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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