How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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