dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
