Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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