I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
