So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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