so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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