Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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