Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
soo... how was my night?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
