i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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